


so measure my intentions against my sins

by TheRurrJurr



Series: one step up and two steps back [5]
Category: Figure Skating RPF
Genre: Airports, Sibling Love, and florida remains the worst, holiday travel is the worst, shitty airport bars
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-01-14
Updated: 2019-01-14
Packaged: 2019-10-10 00:56:59
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,420
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17415905
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/TheRurrJurr/pseuds/TheRurrJurr
Summary: "I'll be on the outside somewhere looking in"Of all people to run into. Of ALL people.





	so measure my intentions against my sins

** Toronto Pearson International Airport Terminal 1 **

** December 29, 2018 **

Traveling at Christmas is the absolute worst, she's decided, and she's not doing it again if she can help it.

Jordan really hadn't planned on going anywhere other than maybe Bayfield with her mom and Tessa for the holiday, but she and Michael are still mostly back on and he had asked her to come out to Calgary for New Year's. So with the tension at home because of everything with her sister and her (ex?) partner, and the uncertainty of their father possibly being back in their lives (almost for certain related to the ex(?)-partner thing) and her mixed feelings about that, she decided she needed a break for a few days.

Which is why she's currently braving the masses and screaming toddlers at the airport at way too early of an hour in the morning, and she's pretty sure this is hell on earth. Bruce Springsteen's "Santa Claus Is Comin' To Town" is playing over the sound system, again, and she's going throw something if she hears Bruce ask the Big Man what time of year it is one more time. Her flight's already delayed thanks to “mechanical issues,” but honestly, plummeting out of the sky might not be the worst thing at the moment. It was a last-minute booking and she's stuck in the middle seat. Her relationship is up in the air (no pun intended). Her family life is questionable. Her sister’s grasping at straws to keep it together emotionally, her brothers have pretty much removed themselves from the situation, and her mother, per usual, is trying very hard to make everything look perfect from the outside, which comes with its own set of issues. Nothing about this is good.

So she's coping with everything by drinking a bloody and mainlining an omelette and hash browns, post-holiday diet be damned, at 9 AM at the Mill Street Brewery on the Air Canada concourse. She’s considering another drink because if that's what it takes to get through this, so be it.

At least Tessa had seemed to be in a better mood over the holiday, if only outwardly. She played with Poppy, helped with dinner and stayed up late to clean up. But after what was probably the roughest month of her sister's life, anything would have likely been an improvement.

***

She had tried her best to coax something close to the truth about her sister’s emotional state out of Tessa at Christmas, but that was an uphill battle, as usual.

“So.” Jordan had started when their mom and brothers had gone back home and she and Tessa were watching the last few minutes of of "A Christmas Story." "How are things?"

Tessa had sipped her tea and nodded happily. "Good. Taking a break with Mom at the cottage next weekend then I have some stuff lined up after that. You?”

Jordan rolled her eyes. “T. No offense, but I don’t care about work.” She looked more intently at her. “How are things."

Tessa stared at Jordan from over her mug. "What do you want me to say," she replied flatly.

“The truth,” Jordan pushed. “It’s just me. No one here’s going to judge you for being honest.”

Tessa paused, then put her mug down. “I’d really rather talk about anything else, sorry.” 

“How come?” Jordan pressed.

She could physically see Tessa tense up. “I don’t want to talk about it.” 

"He's home right now, you know,” Jordan pointed out.

"I do know." 

Jordan cocked an eyebrow. "So are you two going to talk while he's here or..."

Tessa shrugged. “I don’t know. Probably not. I doubt it. What are we going to talk about.” Her voice was even and tired. “Should we put on a Hallmark movie or something? I need something mindless to end the night.” She grabbed the remote off the coffee table and was silent for the rest of Jordan’s visit.

Scott didn't come up again. Jordan is pretty sure he won't for a while.

***

In the present, her eyes wander around the restaurant, wondering what poor decisions led everyone else to be here right now. There's a couple of sad-looking businessmen a few tables over (she'd be sad if she was traveling for business right now, too), a couple college kids at the bar, probably heading to someone’s lake house for the new year, one family wearing Disney regalia with two hyperactive kids in the corner (at least someone’s going to have fun, Jordan thinks), and a few retirees scattered around.

That's when she sees her sitting at the bar, perched on a stool, decked out in furry lace-up boots, a black parka, black leggings and giant sunglasses. Because she's such a huge deal here already that she has to wear sunglasses indoors.

"You gotta be fucking kidding me," Jordan mutters to herself. Of all people. Of ALL fucking people traveling today.

She rolls her eyes and grabs her phone, firing off a group text to Danny and Charlie. <<You'll never guess who's at this YYZ bar with me.>> 

Charlie responds first. <<SANTA????>>

If she was in front of them, she would have smacked his shoulder. <<Fuck off.>>

Charlie. <<Why are you at a bar? Are you drunk already? It's 9 AM>>

Jordan rolled her eyes. <<Because it’s the only thing open that’s more substantial than Starbucks? And calm yo tits, I'm only one bloody in>>

Danny. <<Uh oh. Is T with you?>>

Charlie. <<Please say no.>>

Jordan. <<On my way to Calgary so no. She’s still hanging at home.>> 

Charlie. <<Wait, is whatsherface actually there?>>

Jordan. <<Why would I lie about that, asshole? I’d take a picture and send it to you but that would be fucking weird, tbh>>

Danny's next. <<Don't murder her and cause an international incident.>>

Jordan scoffs to herself. <<Of course not. That would just make her a hero.>>

Danny. <<Gross.>>

Jordan. <<This is your brother we're talking about, shouldn't you be nicer to the latest love of his life?>>

Charlie. <<Who says he and I are talking?>> 

Jordan. <<Don’t tell your family drama to me, please. I’d rather be kept in the dark.>>

Charlie. <<You ARE our family, J. Our drama is your drama.>>

Danny. <<Can you two shut up?>>

Charlie. <<She started it.>>

Danny. <<Anyway. T2 and I get back on Tuesday. Text me when you and Michael have some time once you get here and we'll all grab drinks.>> 

Jordan. <<Only if I don’t end up in a holding cell at the airport.>>

She places her phone on the table and puts her head down, ideally avoiding eye contact, but Jackie's already spotted her and waved. Jordan waves back, her face expressionless, hoping maybe that'll be that, but Jackie's already hopped off her barstool.

_ Shit. _

Jackie comes over to her table and stands across from her. "Hi!"

Jordan looks up at her and smiles as sweetly as she can. "Hello."

Jackie fidgets. “Can I sit down? Catch up with an old friend?” Jackie hasn’t lived anywhere other than a questionable part of the world (from what Jordan can tell and has heard) in a long time, and it shows. She’s developed a slight twang in her voice and she has the carriage of a Southern sorority girl. Maybe she would have turned out this way regardless of geography, but it’s so out of place in Canada that Jordan almost feels bad for her. Almost. 

She considers telling Jackie to fuck off for a moment (they are NOT friends), but gestures to the chair in front of her anyway. Jackie drops her carryon (Vera Bradley, because of course) and sits across the table. There's a slightly awkward pause before Jackie starts up again, too perkily for anyone to be sincere.

"How was Christmas? What did you guys do?"

Jordan sips her bloody. "We were at home, thanks." She avoids a followup question, hoping that Jackie will get the message, but of course she's not that lucky.

"Oh, fun. I know the Moirs missed you guys for Christmas Eve.”

Jordan feels a twinge. Christmas Eve with the Moirs was very much a Virtue/Moir family tradition that they had kept up for years, even after Sochi. Despite no longer being great friends with Cara, and everything that had happened this year, Alma was still on some level like a second mother to her and she had been sad to miss it. “The plans just shifted a little bit. My mom's seeing Alma and Joe tonight for Alma and Carol's birthday."

"Oh. Well, that's nice." Jackie sips her coffee. "I like that you guys are still close."

"Thanks for your approval." The Moirs will always be their family and not hers, Jordan reminds herself. They're not responsible for this shitshow.

(but she is still going to murder Scott if she ever sees him again)

"Scott and I are heading down to Tampa for New Year's but he's flying out tomorrow to spend some more time here. I have to work, gross." Jackie pauses and stares into her coffee. "I know people think that all I do is drink and party and travel and that I don't work anymore, but I do." 

"Hmm." Jordan checks her phone, begging for someone to text her, or her plane to get delayed even later or altogether cancelled so she has to get on the phone with the airline, or simply for the ground to open up and swallow Jackie whole. 

“I don’t know, I feel like I should get off the Internet. Scott keeps telling me it’s bad for me,” Jackie continues. “But I guess I’m morbidly curious or whatever? Being in the spotlight suddenly is weird.” 

“Yeah, you’re just like the Kardashians now,” Jordan mutters as she scrolls through her phone. _Seriously, cancel this plane. Blow up the airport. Let a meteor hit the earth. Something, ANYTHING, please._  

"Cara mentioned that you guys haven't hung out much lately, I wish we had all gotten together while I was here," Jackie says, and Jordan can feel the other woman’s inner fakeness finally start to surface. No doubt the result of being in a Southern sorority and having to pay to have friends, Jordan thinks. "Or at the Walk of Fame, I missed you there." 

"It was a busy night so I had to pass on going," Jordan says coldly, "and I don't get to London that much these days, unfortunately." 

"That's too bad, it would be fun to all catch up," Jackie says. 

Jordan glowers at her. "Wouldn't it now." 

Jackie nods, either oblivious or powering through. "Where are you going today?" 

"Calgary. My boyfriend's there." 

Jackie nods knowingly. “I know how that goes. Long-distance is rough, right?" 

Jordan glares at her. The audacity. "We are not talking about this." 

Jackie looks at her innocently. "I don't...what?" 

Jordan throws her phone in her purse. “Yeah, I’m done.” She leans forward, forearms on the table, and looks Jackie in the eye. “You are either a better actor than your boyfriend, a complete moron or a total sociopath. Or a combination of all three.” She keeps her voice to a menacing hush, wary of being heard, but she wouldn’t be mad if a fan caught this on camera and put it out for the world to see on Tumblr or Twitter or wherever Scott told Jackie not to go. 

Jackie tilts her head and scoffs. "Seriously, what's your deal?"

Jordan sits back in her chair, carefully regarding the woman across from her, and changing strategies. "How's your husband?"

Jackie's eyes widen. “What does that have to do with anything?” 

“No, it’s just, you know, I’m a lawyer and I’m always interested in these sorts of things,” Jordan continues innocently. “I’m not terribly familiar with Florida law, but I do remember a vague mention of adultery in there. I could be wrong, though.” 

Jackie clenches her jaw. She’s speaking just above a whisper, matching Jordan’s tone. “I have been separated for a really long time, Jordan. This is not what you think.” 

“Oh, what is it then?” Jordan presses. 

Jackie blanches. “I don’t know, it was kind of unexpected and yeah, it’s moving fast, but I’m not this horrible bitch or famewhore or gold-digger that everyone thinks I am.” 

“Right,” Jordan says. "Sneaking around with him behind my sister's back? Filing for divorce two days after the tour ends when you've been separated for a year? Showing up in whatever THAT was to the Walk of Fame? What the hell are you getting at here?" 

Jackie glares at her. "Leave my old life out of this, okay? We tried to make it work and it didn't. It just wasn't meant to be." 

"Bullshit. Why didn't you move with him? Why wait until Scott's at a shitty point in his life to finally divorce? I'm sure there's richer guys in Florida who don't have his emotional baggage if that's what you're after." Maybe it's the buzz from the bloody, the too-early hour or the fact that this woman across from her is SO. FUCKING. INFURIATING, but Jordan’s lost all ability to even pretend to be pleasant or polite. 

“Scott told me they were working things out," Jackie insists. "If he had just said "No, I can't do this right now," then I would have backed off. I actually asked him if he was single and he said, I quote, “Technically, yes.” So blame him if you blame anyone, okay?” 

"Oh, I do. Trust me, I do." Jordan purses her lips. "This isn't the first time he's pulled something like this, you know. I don't know why I was surprised." 

Jackie looks at her, eyes wide. "What do you mean?" 

Jordan stifles a smile. "Oh, you haven't had those talks yet? Well, it's not really my place to tell you so..." she trails off as she plays with the corner of her drink napkin. 

"Tell me what?" Jackie leans forward. "Jordan, come on." 

Jordan has lost all ability to give a fuck. It’s definitely the bloody and she’ll probably regret this in a few hours, but right now it’s what she needs. “No, really, I should let you two work this out between yourselves — ” 

"Oh my God, what is it??"

"No, it's fine." Jordan drops the napkin and looks over at Jackie. She's leaning forward eagerly, her face somewhere in between wonder and torture. "I'm just surprised he hasn't told you about what happened before and after my sister's first surgery." 

"Yeah, he said in the book that they didn't talk for a while after.” Jackie rolls her eyes. “That was ages ago, right? People change and mature or whatever.” 

"Did he tell you why they didn't talk?" Jordan asks. 

Jackie sits back in her chair. "No..." 

Jordan cocks an eyebrow. "Have you guys talked about...anything at all?" 

Jackie's face goes pale. “I mean, yeah, but like…no.” She looks down at the table. “I don’t know. We really haven’t been together that long and we haven’t really spent that much time together, I guess. But I’m sure we’ll have those conversations.” 

Jordan shrugs. "Well, I guess it must be hard to have a real conversation when all you guys do is drink together." 

Jackie’s jaw drops. “Hey, that's not fair. We also work out together sometimes.” 

“Right, please forgive me.” Jordan throws her hand over her heart dramatically. “I can tell you’ve already formed a deep, lasting emotional bond then.” 

Jackie rolls her eyes. “Whatever. Maybe we don’t need it to be that complicated or deep. Maybe after, like, a lifetime of dealing with a complicated relationship he wanted something easy. I don’t really care right now.” 

Jordan slowly shakes her head. "You really have no idea what you've gotten yourself into, do you?” 

Jackie groans. “Oh my God, whatever. Like, I did everything "right" or whatever for most of my life, let me have a little fun now." Jackie finishes her coffee. "How is it any of your concern anyway?" 

"Because when you involve other people, mostly my sister, in your "having a little fun,” it becomes my concern.” Jordan pauses. “You had to dig your claws into the most emotionally unavailable man on the planet, didn’t you? I almost can’t wait to see how this ends.” 

Jackie scoffs. “Look, I’m sorry your sister couldn’t get her act together quick enough on this. That’s her fault.” 

Jordan takes a deep breath to compose herself as best she can. “Look, you’re right, that part’s on her. The rest of this shitshow…” She chuckles. “Yeah, no. The rest of it is on you and your idiot boyfriend.” 

“If she wanted him that badly, why not move faster?” Jackie presses. 

Jordan shrugs. “I can only assume that after 21 years of asshattery and baggage and complications that she wanted to know that this wasn’t going to go belly-up. She wasn’t wrong.” 

“So blame her for waiting then,” Jackie insists. 

“There is so much blame to go around right now that you’re only part of this messed-up story,” Jordan assures her. “You know what,” she motions for her check from the waiter, “I’m bored of this conversation and I think I’m finally ready to stop drinking.” 

Jackie stares at her and holds up a hand. “Hang on.” 

The waiter comes over with the check and Jordan takes it out of his hands. “Yes?” 

For the first time since this has started, Jackie looks vulnerable and smaller than Jordan’s seen her. It’s odd when she’s not the girl with the slit up her legs and her chest hanging out. She swallows and bites down on her lip. “Am I ever going to get the full story on what’s gone down between them?” 

Jordan’s eyes narrow. “You really want to know all of it?” 

Jackie shrugs and crosses her arms over her chest. “I don’t know. Just…yeah. I guess it’s kind of scary or whatever to be thrown into it.” 

Jordan shakes her head. “Well, that part really is entirely on you.” Jackie purses her lips and Jordan continues. “I’ll tell you right now that you’ll never get the full story from him.” 

“What makes you say that?” Jackie asks quickly. 

Jordan scoffs as she fishes around her wallet for cash. “Because he’s never told anyone that full story, he’ll never tell anyone that full story, and I’m not even sure he understands the full story.” 

Jackie’s eyes dart around. “So, what? I’m doomed to third-wheel this weird, undefinable, unresolved bullshit relationship for as long as it goes on?” 

Jordan pulls out enough to cover the bill and organizes it on the table. “I’m not sure I can answer that for you.” 

Jackie looks at her intently. “Can you try? Like…if I’m wasting my time I’d like to know.” 

Jordan looks up at her, wanting to warn her but also wanting her to find out for herself. She settles on somewhere in the middle. “Honestly? I feel bad for you.” 

Jackie rolls her eyes. “I don’t need your pity. Why would I need that?” 

Jordan sighs. “Because he’s always picked her. He will always pick her.” She grabs her bags and stands up. “Have a good trip home.” 

She leaves Jackie staring down at the table and walks towards her gate. The flight’s still two hours delayed, but she feels a little bit lighter. 

Her phone buzzes. Danny. <<Do we need to bail you out of the YYZ holding cell?>> 

Jordan chuckles. <<Nope. We had a lovely chat.>> 

Charlie. <<Sorry to hear that.>> 

Jordan. <<Come on. I might feel bad for her. She’s in way over her head.>> 

Danny. <<They always are.>> 

Charlie. <<Maybe you saved us all a lot of trouble.>> 

Jordan. <<I doubt it. I think I’m going to turn off my phone and read a bit. Happy New Year, guys.>> 

Danny. <<See you soon, I hope.>>

Charlie. <<Agreed. We’re still your other annoying brothers.>> 

Jordan. <<You’re not getting rid of me that easily.>> 

She turns her phone off and tosses it into her purse, wandering over to the nearest magazine stand. Out of the corner of her eye she catches a tabloid with a picture of Tessa and Scott in the corner of the cover. Together, even when they're not. _Good luck, Jackie_. 

She shakes her head. She doesn’t wish harm to her at all, despite her worst instincts. She just hopes that on some level, she got through to her. 

Because whether Scott likes it or not, he will always choose Tessa.

**Author's Note:**

> i'm baaaaaack! a bit of a palate cleanser after the uber-angst of the last few installments, i guess. (but don't get comfortable, it's coming)
> 
> i also made a playlist for this series, to be found [here](https://open.spotify.com/user/pitchydawg/playlist/0eiEexY4Jjr8o0jANwKysp?si=f791v6qSRjmWAov0U2NhKg). the first half are songs that i took the titles from and the second half is...uhhh...mood music, shall we say.
> 
> yell at me on twitter at @suchplatonic


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